4 Styles Of Parenting What You Should Know

The 4 Styles of Parenting and What You Should Know

Children Are Seen But Not Heard

When I was a little girl I didn’t have dreams of being a mother someday. In our household, my grandmother wore many hats and parenting looked like a lot of work!

There were many children in the home, requiring attention, direction, and discipline. I understand now that my grandmothers’ parenting style was apart of her DNA and a way of controlling what otherwise she felt may have become an unmanageable and chaotic environment.

…I believe her parenting style was…her way of controlling…”

My grandmother was a strong-willed, independent, caring and selfless woman. However, she did have another side to her that everyone including myself wanted to avoid.

To be in her good graces I tried to do everything that was expected of me. Nevertheless, my attempts often fell short, and my grandmother expressed her disapproval almost daily with yelling and the occasional spanking.

…I tried to do everything that was expected of me…”

I also understood during this period that children were to be seen but not heard. As a child you were simply to do what you were told, talking back or having an opinion was considered being disrespectful.

Although I didn’t think much about being a parent back then, I do recall vowing that when I grew up that I was never going to cook beans, that I was going to have cable TV, I would stay up for as long as I wanted, and that I would never yell!

My grandmother was born in 1926 and forty years later Diana Baumrind a clinical and developmental psychologist known for her research on parenting styles. would classify my grandmother’s parenting style as authoritarian.

Picture of my grandmother

Authoritarian Parents

  • attempts to shape, control, and evaluate the behavior and attitudes of the child in accordance with a set standard of conduct set by the parent
  • Obedience is an absolute and favors punishment to curb self-will at points where the child’s actions or beliefs conflict with what they think is right conduct.
  • believes in keeping the child in his place, in restricting his autonomy, and in assigning household responsibilities in order to inculcate respect for work.
  • regards the preservation of order and traditional structure as a highly valued end in itself.
  • does not encourage two-way communication, believing that the child should accept the parents’ word as final say or what is right

Authoritarian parenting tends to produce children who are:

  • discontent
  • unhappy
  • frequently rebel
  • loner
  • withdrawn
  • distrustful
  • low achievers
  • aggressive

Authoritative Parents

  • attempts to direct the child’s activities but in a rational, issue-oriented manner.
  • encourages verbal give and take, shares with the child the reasoning behind their policy, and solicits his objections when he refuses to conform.
  • enforces own perspective as an adult, but recognizes the child’s individual interests and special ways.
  • affection is openly given received
  • affirms the child’s present qualities but also sets standards for future conduct.
  • children are not simply expected to follow orders blindly but are given clear explanations so that they may understand the reason behind the request.

A child from a authoritative home often are found to be:

  • adaptive
  • competent
  • high achievers
  • accepted by peers
  • good social skills
  • high self-esteem

Permissive Parents

  • attempts to behave in a nonpunitive, acceptant and affirmative manner towards the child’s impulses, desires, and actions.
  • consults with the child about policy decisions and gives explanations for family rules.
  • makes few demands for household responsibility and orderly behavior.
  • presents to the child as a resource for them to use as they wish, not as an ideal for him to emulate, nor as an active agent responsible for shaping or altering his ongoing or future behavior.
  • allows the child to regulate his own activities as much as possible
  • avoids the exercise of control, and does not encourage him to obey externally defined standards.

Permissive parenting often cause children to be:

  • impulsive
  • uncontrolled
  • highly aggressive
  • poor decision making
  • prone to substance abuse
  • low achievement

Uninvolved Parents

  • lack of responsiveness to the child’s needs
  • do not provide their child with any structure or control
  • little emotional involvement with kids
  • make few to no demands of their children
  • fail to monitor or supervise their child’s behavior

Uninvolved parents often have children who tend to be:

  • social and behavioral issues
  • lack discipline and proper boundaries
  • increased risk of substance abuse
  • tend to exhibit more delinquency during adolescence
  • poor academic and social skills
The 4 styles of Parenting

What’s Your Style

Which parenting style are you and why have you adopted the style you have?

Do you believe that your parenting is providing a nurturing, positive emotional atmosphere for your child?

Yes, I had an authoritarian parent, and unfortunately, I was a textbook case in the sense that there were periods of my life that I suffered all of the associated outcomes.

I know I said I never aspired to be a parent when I was a young girl but I wouldn’t trade it for any other treasure in the world.

I absolutely adore my three children and love being a parent. So much in fact that I wrote an article about what it’s like for me being a mother found here https://sweetfamilylife.com/what-is-motherhood-really-like/.

Recent picture of my children

In conclusion, we often parent how we were parented. However, our job is to do the best we possibly can with the knowledge we have.

If you have found areas that you can improve, then, by all means, do so.

I like what actor Peter Krause said:

“Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last”

Resources: Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of Authoritative Parental Control on Child Behavior, Child Development, 889 -991:
Authoritative Parenting - A Style for Long Term Success,www.foundationscounselingllc.com/authoritative-parenting.php

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MamaBuzz
Guest

Very nice post! As a new mom, I don’t know how my parenting style would look like when my son grows.

Ashley Cooper
Guest

I vowed not to cook beans too! Matter of fact I don’t even like beans anymore because we ate them so much lol! But I think my parenting style is authoritative. But I do get strict in some situations. Very good article!

Kalynn Joyce
Guest

Very interesting! I think I fall closest on the spectrum to Authoritative style, with a healthy dose of uninvolved. I’m a big fan of letting my little guy figuring things out for himself and not jumping in to “save” or “rescue” him from his own mistakes or regretful decisions!

Melissa
Guest

I”m working to be Autoritarian but know I fall into the strict category. I have some strong willed kiddos who really need me to be consistent and strict!

Elizabeth Nunes
Guest
Elizabeth Nunes

Interesting. I had no idea there were so many styles

Lorena | www.lorenaylennox.com
Guest

Great post! I love how you break the four types of parenting down and show the results of each style!

Annie
Guest

Oh I love that quote at the end <3 My biggest goal as a parent is to allow my girls to find what they are passionate about in life and to teach and guide them how to make that their life's work. Because I got the opposite of that 😉 My style will be a mix that is oriented towards doing what I can to help them become who they feel they are supposed to be.

Ashley at Chronically Caffeinated Mom
Guest

I like the last quote about forgiving the past generation and leading the next as the ultimate goal of parenting. These styles of parenting are very interesting and seen so frequently in our society, still. Great post, I particularly like you how you point out what types of children often result as a product of the different parenting styles

Claire
Guest

I’m an authoritative parent but my Fiancé is a permissive, this can lead to some issues. Although we’ve got good at sorting these.

The qualities my son has are very much that of a child parented authoritatively, he is very intelligent, has great social skills with adults and children and is very well thought off.

My step daughters display that of permissive parenting but we are working on a middle ground. Hard as we only have them every weekend.

Really great post x

zara
Guest
zara

I love that quote at the end! This was a great article, really well written and I enjoyed reading it a lot, thank you :)z

Christi
Guest

I love the last quote! My father was super strict and was from a different generation too. Now that I am a parent I and often surprised by how strict I am but it’s nowhere close to how I grew up. I believe children need rules, boundaries and expectations along with love, compassion and respect!